Illusions in the Night

Just what is so "scary" about the dark? I am 28 years old and I have yet to assemble a theory. In fact, I have a confession. I, myself am PETRIFIED of the dark. The strange thing about it, this fear has just recently been acquired, and for no apparent reason. Almost as if it *poof* appeared out of thin air.

Looking back I can't remember ever actually being that scared of the dark as a child or even as a teenager. I moved out of my parent's house and into my very own apartment in my very early 20's and I cannot think of a single time that being alone in the dark ever actually had any affect on me, other than when there were spiders involved, and that's is a completely different subject for another time.

The house that we are living in now is a very cute, well kept up old farm house. The upstairs is set up like an old haunted house from a horror flick, but I don't usually have to go up there so I don't.  As for the rest of the house it's very open and comfy. I can't think of a single reason any person in their right mind would have a problem living in this home. There's nothing eerie about it, unless your name is Brandy.

Kyle works out of town a lot and when he's gone it's just Miller and I. There is never a problem when Kyle is home. But when he's gone the sun sets and the light fades from the windows of the house it's almost as if my sweet little farm house transforms from a version of Dr. Jekyll to the sinister Mr. Hyde.

My senses come alive and every noise, or lack of noise, seems so extreme. I get very anxious and uneasy. Trust me, I have tried it all from attempting to block out any noises with the blaring of my radio to simply sitting in silence so as to take in each creek or tick striving to familiarize myself with the evening cycles that the house goes through. I have left lights on, and off. I have covered windows and left them bare. I even have several means of protection for comforting. It never seems to be enough.

This past week has been a true trial with this newly acquired fear of mine. I am less then thrilled to report that so far it has most definitely gotten the best of me.

It all started 3 nights ago. Miller and I  were just bumming around the house. I had a batch of laundry in the dryer. I was standing in the laundry room watering my mini-garden. My dryer is a real peach and it makes slightly a lot of noise while turned on. While standing there I was just listening to the thunk of the clothes tossing around in the dryer when suddenly there were a few extra loud thunks. Actually they were much more than thunks. At the time I was positive that someone had just run into the east side of my house with a tractor.

I was stunned but somehow collected myself and migrated back into the kitchen away from the racket. I sat down at the table all the while attempting to sooth my racing thoughts. My hands were trembling and my breathing was quite intense but I was slowly calming. Then just as I went to make a consoling phone call Miller, my lovely little defender, went flying across the kitchen barking like someone had just walked in the front door.

I all but fell out of my chair, ran into the bedroom and grabbed a bag and whatever clothes that were within reach, darted into the bathroom and emptied my entire cabinet into the bag, scooped up Miller and we were gone. Off to Miller's grandma's house where we stayed for a total of three nights.

My nerves were racked and my anxiety through the roof, and for what?  There was nothing there, not even a giant evil tractor outside trying to eat my poor little farm house. No intruder attempting to get to my dog or I. I'm not even sure if there really ever was a loud thunk at all. So why did I flee the house that night? Why can I not con myself into going back to stay for a night just Miller and I? Was it just an illusion that my poor frightened brain had concocted? Was there really a strange, out of the norm noise that the house had created? I may never know.

Kyle's fellow employees now call me "Scooby Doo" and I'm pretty sure my parents have seen more of me than they have in months so they are definitely not complaining. As for me, I feel utterly defeated. How can I just now be afraid of the frightening things that could potentially be lurking in the night?? Will I be able to face my fears or will I succumb to them? I hope for the strength to face and triumph over them. We will see.